Baby Got Back
by Carly-M
Summary: The study group are paired up to look after robotic babies - what could possibly go wrong? Jeff/Annie
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Baby Got Back  
**Author:** Carly  
**Character/Pairing(s):** Study group, Jeff/Annie  
**Spoilers:** Up to episode 2.08  
**Rating/Warnings:** PG  
**Word Count:** Part 1: 2324, Part 2: 3615  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own Community.  
**Notes:** Ficcy Friday response from LJ community milady_milord: "The gang takes a class where they are paired up & have to take care of a robotic baby".

* * *

Jeff glared at the little bundle of whatever the extreme opposite of joy was in his arms. "I am going to kill Duncan. I'm going to piff this plastic piece of crap at his head and knock the British out of him."

Annie grabbed the doll from him and held it close to her chest. "Don't talk about Lucy like that, she'll get upset."

"The pretend plastic baby will get upset? Can you hear yourself right now?"

"Jeff we're supposed to take this assignment seriously." Annie carefully settled into her study room chair with Lucy. "Duncan said we have to treat them as though they're real and that's what I intend to do."

Jeff slumped into his own seat, his face curled into a permanent sneer. "If the Dean didn't want to read Braille on my chest so much I'd report Duncan right now. I swear he just played eeny-meeny-miny-moe in the school supply cupboard, landed on the mini robots and made a half-assed attempt at Anthropology-ising it."

Annie rolled her eyes and held the baby up to her face. "It's OK Lucy; Daddy doesn't mean to be such an ignoramus."

"Don't call me Daddy."

"I'll bet that's not what you usually say to the girls," Pierce grinned as he directed his wheelchair into the study room with a baby tucked under one arm.

Britta followed not long after, her face resembling Jeff's. "This assignment is ridiculous."

"Says the woman who dresses up her cats like Cabbage Patch Kids," Jeff drawled. "I thought you'd be all over this?"

"The whole premise is completely presumptuous. It's like, 'Here you are, find a partner, settle down, have your 2.5 kids and don't forget the white picket fence'. It sucks!" She threw her bag on the table and sank into her seat.

"You're just cranky you got stuck with Grandpa."

Jeff, Britta and Annie looked over at Pierce, who was seeing if the doll arm would fit under his cast to scratch his leg.

"He wants to call her Laser Lotus," Britta groaned.

Troy and Abed walked in with their doll strapped to Abed's chest in a BabyBjorn. Troy fussed over the baby's beanie as they sat down.

"Where did you get all the cool baby stuff?" Annie pouted. "I want a cute little baby sling."

Troy shrugged. "Abed had a whole heap of junk in his dorm room."

"I finally get to use my props for the '3 Men and a Baby' scenario," he said. "I'm also prepared for 'Encino Man', 'Mrs Doubtfire' and 'Gremlins' just to name a few."

"Technically it's only '2 Men and a Baby'," Jeff pointed out.

"It'll be three men when Pavel comes around for movie night tonight. I'm hoping comedy hijinks will ensue."

"Can we choose a name now, Abed?" asked Troy. "He needs something strong... like T-Bone Junior."

"What about Indiana?"

"How about Megatron?"

"Bruce Wayne?"

"Thunderclap?"

Their faces suddenly lit up with identical looks of awe. "Kickpuncher!" they breathed in unison, doing their high five chest slap move without disturbing the baby.

"You can't call your baby Kickpuncher!" said Annie, looking scandalized. "That's an awful name."

Jeff snorted. "Care to share ours with the group?"

"It's Lucy," she replied with a smug smile.

"And the rest?"

Annie glanced down at her baby's bald head. "Lucy Aurora Jasmine Ariel Edison-Winger," she mumbled.

"Oh God, you Disney-fied her!" said Britta. "Actually, that's not really a surprise."

"Shouldn't you be rescuing Laser Lotus from Pierce?" Annie retorted.

Britta sighed and went over to sit next to her wheelchair-bound friend. "Pierce, would you stop trying to use her arm as a scratcher, you're making her cry. What happened to your packet of Slim Jims?"

Shirley was the last to arrive. She had her baby curled up in one arm and her handbag under the other. Her face was subdued as she took Britta's vacated spot.

"Shirley are you OK?" asked Annie.

"Hmm? Oh yes, I'm fine thank you."

Abed gave her a once-over. "Is this baby project reminding you of your pregnancy scare last week and how relieved slash upset you might be about it?"

"Abed," Britta reprimanded.

"No, it's OK Britta," said Shirley, "Abed's right." She tenderly traced her finger across her doll's cheek. "When the test came up false I _was_ relieved but it also reminded me of how much love I brought into the world with my two boys. It might have been nice to feel that again."

"Maybe you will someday, Shirley," smiled Annie. "I mean now you're back with your husband, anything could happen."

"Speaking of sperm banks, who did you end up with as a partner?" asked Pierce. "I couldn't hear anything with all the babies crying."

"I got paired up with Chang. God help me when gets back from his keytar mall tour tomorrow."

The group jumped when Troy let out a loud shriek. "I, uh, thought I saw a mouse," he lamely explained, removing his hands from his face. "And I was screaming... to scare it away."

"He reacts the same way at home when he sees moths," said Pierce, shaking his head.

"Giant ugly-ass moths!" Troy snapped. "They fly around pretending to be butterflies, but their dusty wings ain't fooling nobody. They aim for your head like evil bug missiles."

"And on that enthralling note I'm heading home," quipped Jeff. He gathered up his folder and went to stand when he realized there was an Annie-shaped person in his way.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" she said.

"You're right." He waved to the group. "Bye everyone!" Jeff used his long legs to his advantage and side stepped Annie to get out into the hall. But Annie's super-scurrying abilities didn't let him get too far.

"Jeff, stop, we need to organize what's happening with Lucy!" She stood defiantly in front of him. "This isn't a project you can just Winger your way out of."

Jeff sighed. "Fine. You take it tonight and I'll take it home tomorrow night. There, two nights covered, see ya."

"You're leaving me to single parent her? I don't know the first thing about babies."

"It's like an overgrown Tamigotchi, how hard can it be? It'll pretend eat, poop and sleep. Why don't you just ask your parents to help you out?"

"They're away on vacation," said Annie, eyes widening when Lucy started to cry. She cooed at her and tried to jiggle around the care key in her back to make her stop.

Jeff winced at the sound coming from their doll of doom. It kept switching from a high-pitched screech to a slow groan like something out of The Exorcist. "Quality Greendale merchandise right there. Listen Annie, I have to go home and get ready for my date with Gwynnifer because my last one got cancelled due to a _pen crisis_," he finished pointedly. "Just take the devil child home and re-read the instruction manual, you'll be fine."

"What if I'm not? What if I accidentally drop her, or forget to support her neck... or blow her up somehow!"

"Are you planning on microwaving her?"

"Je-ff!"

"Fine, if, and only if you cannot possibly cope and you've tried everything else then you can call me." He placed his hands on her shoulders and stared at her. "Pretend I'm that stupid vampire with the overly expressive crazy eyes and I'm compelling you. I. Am. Your. Last. Resort."

"You watch The Vampire Diaries?"

"Abed was obsessed with it when I roomed with him." He waggled his brows some more. "Compulsion complete. See you and C3PO tomorrow."

* * *

Jeff checked his watch and smiled. Eight thirty. He still had half an hour to mess around with his hair before he had to go and meet Gwynnifer. He was weighing up the pros and cons of more wax when he heard a knock at the door. Confused, Jeff walked out of the bathroom and headed towards the front door, freezing when he heard something akin to a moose dying. "I swear to God Annie that better not be you and the hell spawn out there!"

"Let me in Jeff!" Annie's voice replied.

"No!"

"Let me in or I'll start yelling out to the neighbors that you're neglecting our daughter's child support payments so you can pay for hookers!"

Jeff saw red and yanked open the door with his jaw clenched. Annie stepped inside attempting to look triumphant but she wouldn't meet Jeff's eyes.

"_Pay_ for my _hookers_?" Jeff repeated evenly, closing the door.

"I saw it on Judge Judy once," sniffed Annie, taking a seat on his black leather couch.

"What happened to ringing me as a last resort?"

"Oh as if you would have answered your phone if you saw my name on the caller ID." Annie kept up the rhythmic patting of Lucy's back. "I can't get her to stop crying, Jeff. I've tried everything - feeding her, burping her, checking her diaper. I even tried singing to her but I couldn't remember any lullabies that didn't involve boughs breaking and cradles falling. I'm a horrible mother!"

The baby let out a deafening squawk in response.

"See! She hates me!"

Jeff could see that Annie's eyes had started to brim with tears and it was only a matter of time before those suckers turned into a waterfall of emotions he just did not have the hours for. "For God's sake, give the thing to me."

Annie held Lucy up to him, cupping her head in her hands, but Jeff just yanked it from her and rummaged around his coffee table for the care key bracelet he'd dumped there earlier.

"You're supposed to be wearing that, Jeff," said Annie, showing him her wrist.

"I would rather wear Shirley's Jesus bracelets again," he muttered, finally finding it under his folder. He shoved the key hanging off it into the doll's back and waited for the crying to stop but it just seemed to make her wail louder. "What the hell?"

Annie dabbed at her eyes with a hankie. "Try jiggling it."

"I am, it's broken or something!" Jeff kept jamming the key in and out while the doll continued to massacre his ear drums. "Shut up, shut up, shut up!"

"Yelling at her isn't going to help. Give her back to me."

"Yeah because that's worked so well up until now."

"Like you're doing a better job! Did you think you'd just hold her in your arms and she'd magically fall under the Winger spell?" Annie rolled her eyes. "Not every woman thinks you're a God, Jeff. A lot of us think you're gross!"

"Don't give me that crap, Annie, you..." Jeff trailed off when he heard his phone ring. Shoving the baby into the crook of his arm he fished his mobile out of his pocket and answered. "What? Oh, Gwynnifer, hey... No I didn't just run over a cat, it's a baby... No not my baby, it's just some dumb robot... What? I'm not giving you another lame baby excuse! I said bottle episode last week, not bottles... Hello? Hello?" He stared incredulously at the screen. "She just hung up on me."

"To be fair you did sound kind of cra... OK, not the right time," Annie said, wincing at the way Jeff's eye started to twitch.

"Well, this is just great. My night is ruined thanks to some creepy midget with enough disturbing skin rolls to put a Shar-Pei puppy to shame." Jeff raised the doll up into the air, which made her cry even louder.

Annie stood next to him looking worried. "Jeff, what are you doing?"

"What they should have done in The Lion King on top of that hill – thrown the baby into the atmosphere!"

Jeff turned away from Annie and pulled his arms back to toss the noise-machine out his front window. But Annie jumped on the coffee table and lunged onto his back, managing to grab hold of the doll and piggyback Jeff at the same time.

"Stop backpacking me!" Jeff shouted, spinning around in circles.

"Only if you let go of Lucy!" yelled Annie, locking her legs around his waist.

"You're acting like a child!"

"I know you are but what am I?"

"Annie!"

"Jeff!"

"Annie would you just... Hey, hang on... can you hear that?"

"Hear what?"

"Exactly."

Keeping her left arm wrapped around his neck, Annie peered up to where her right hand was clutching onto Jeff's, who in turn was putting pressure on the care key in the doll's back. They'd finally got her to stop crying.

"Are we going to have to stay like this?" asked Annie, only just realising how close her lips were to Jeff's ear.

Jeff tried not to react to Annie's breath tickling his neck. "Yes, I'm going to have to carry you around like a koala the entire night... Of course we're not going to stay like this." He walked backwards until he nudged the coffee table and gently wriggled so Annie would get the hint to step down onto it. "Hopefully she's cried herself out for at least a few hours and I can try and salvage my date."

But as soon as Annie climbed off Jeff's back and let go of his hand, Lucy began to gurgle.

"Aw, come on!" Jeff groaned. He pressed the key down with both hands this time but nothing happened. "You worked with two hands before you stupid moron."

Curiosity overcame Annie as she moved next to him and slowly took one of his hands away, replacing it with her own. Lucy's shrill sobbing started to die down until there was quiet in the apartment once more.

"You may not have to piggyback me all night," said Annie, "but the only way I'm – we're – going to get some peace is if we both hold onto her."

Jeff pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'm feeling another stress headache coming on."

_Continued..._


	2. Chapter 2

Jeff was slumped on one end of the couch, his feet up on the coffee table, while Annie occupied the other side with her legs neatly tucked underneath her. They each had one hand resting on Lucy's back, who was lying between them on a pillow.

Jeff stared blankly at a commercial for dog food on the TV before checking his watch.

"It's about two minutes since you last looked," Annie said without turning her head.

"I swear time is going backwards," he complained. "And I kind of wish it would. That way I'd know not to even get out of bed today so I wouldn't be stuck babysitting Chucky."

"How would you know about the assignment if you hadn't lived through the day yet?"

"It'd be like Groundhog Day."

"Well you didn't really specify what..."

"Are we seriously debating this?"

Annie glared at him. "You can quit being so snappy with me any time you like. It's not as though I didn't have more important things to do either, Jeff."

"What? Color code all your class notes?" He flinched when she dug her nails into his hand. "Ow, what?"

"Why can't I have plans? Why do you automatically assume I study all the time?"

"Because you're Annie?" He propped his head up on his free arm. "I don't mean it in a bad way; it's just your thing."

"You're an idiot," Annie huffed, taking her hand away and standing up. "That's just your thing."

"Wait, where are you going?"

"To the bathroom, Jeff, is that OK with you?"

"You can't leave me here with the monster!"

"Well you're not coming with me so... suck it up!" She walked off down the hall just as Lucy began to whimper.

Jeff stared daggers at the baby. "I hate you and I hope you have fake colic."

* * *

Annie returned a few minutes later to her spot on the couch and pressed her hand on top of Jeff's until the noise died down. He didn't look up from his cell phone. Rolling her eyes she leant forward to pick up a magazine to leaf through but there were only two choices – the TV Guide or some furniture catalogue with ridiculously overpriced things circled. Someone was going to have to be the bigger man before the silent treatment was too far gone, and it wasn't going to be the actual man in the room.

"Jeff?"

"What?"

"Can we just at least pretend to get along because I don't think I can take a whole night of this, it's exhausting." She tried a more light-hearted tone. "Plus there's nothing good to watch on TV and I already arranged your hair products in the bathroom in height order."

Jeff gave her a sidelong glance before looking back at his phone. "Fine."

"So..." she ventured after a beat, "who are you texting? I always wonder how many contacts you have, you're on that thing 24/7."

"Britta. Pierce coerced her into staying at his place to help look after the kid. I think it's going well." Jeff showed Annie Britta's latest message.

_You're half a lawyer. Justifiable homicide's still a thing right?_

Annie cracked a smile. "What'd you tell her?"

"To use the OldWhiteManSays Twitter account as evidence and she'd be acquitted on the spot." His phone beeped and Annie leant across to read the latest message with him.

_Old White Man just asked if my ovaries were exploding looking after LL – I want his face to explode._

"LL?" said Jeff.

"Laser Lotus."

"Of course it is. I'm glad these kids aren't real; they'd get beaten up at school for sure. Laser Lotus, Kickpuncher, Lucy Cupcake Mermaid Puppy-Paws..." He grinned as Annie took a swipe at his chest. "I'll bet Shirley's named hers JC."

"I think I heard her say it was Gary."

"Why does that sound familiar?" A gurgling noise broke his train of thought and he looked down at the baby.

Annie's cheeks turned pink. "That was my stomach. I didn't have time for dinner before I came over with Lucy the way she was and all. Have you got anything here?"

"Um, five-day-old Chinese leftovers, some protein shakes and something that I think used to be broccoli." He raised an eyebrow when Annie's stomach grumbled even louder. "We can ring for a pizza?"

"Yes please."

* * *

Jeff hung up his mobile. "They said it'd be thirty minutes. I can't believe you talked me into getting pineapple on half. Fruit does not belong on a pizza."

"I can't believe you're getting anchovies on the other half. They're like eating shrivelled up bits of shoe." Annie rummaged around her backpack she'd brought over. "Speaking of food, we should really feed Lucy." She found the empty baby bottle and lined up the teat with the sensor in the doll's mouth.

"Do you think if we put actual liquid in there we could short-circuit her?"

"We are not zapping our baby!"

"But then there'd be no chance of anymore crying and we could eat our dinner in peace!"

Annie stretched her legs out and gazed up at him through her eyelashes. "So you wouldn't kick me out to go on your date?"

The corner of Jeff's mouth quirked up. "Well someone has to eat the pineapple."

She smiled at him. "I wish the pizza was here now. I'm seriously contemplating the broccoli." She twisted the bottle around in her hand. "Can we play a game to take my mind off my stomach lining eating away at itself?"

"What kind of game?"

* * *

Annie burst into a fresh wave of laughter. "You are kidding me? You would seriously kiss Starburns, marry Duncan, kill Leonard and sleep with the _Human Being_?"

"It could get kinky, not gonna lie," said Jeff. "Maybe spandex does it for me."

"Disturbing," she said, wiping tears from her eyes. "OK, do another one for me."

"Easy, same group."

"Oh God... OK, I would kiss Leonard."

"Ew."

"Not like a French kiss, sicko, like you would peck your grandfather on the cheek or something. Then I would marry Starburns."

"Again, ew."

"And get it annulled right away," she continued. "I'd sleep with Duncan – and I'm going to pre-empt your 'ew' right now and let you know I mean 'sleep next to and not touch'. And I'd kill the Human Being because that thing should not be let out in public."

"Well, you've got to love the fact that you put so much thought into it – even though you completely changed the rules around." Jeff shifted on the couch so he was facing more towards her. "OK, lay another one on me."

Annie got a daring look on her face. "Slater, Britta, Shirley and me – go."

"No way, that's a landmine just waiting to go off."

"Come on, don't be such a chicken. We're both adults here, we can handle it."

"Alright, fine, and don't start clucking at me," he said, pointing at her as she went to make a chicken wing under her arm. "Hypothetically I'd kiss Shirley, kill Slater, fu... sorry, _sleep with_ Britta and marry you."

Annie didn't know whether to feel happy or confused. "I always thought marriage was the boring one in this game?"

"I don't know, I hear that newlyweds have very active sex lives," he smirked. "Hypothetically of course."

She could feel her face and neck burn, but she made herself not shy away. "Of course."

"Your turn now – Me, Troy, Abed and Pierce. Go."

"Right, well, kill Pierce obviously. Um, kiss Troy so I could go back in time and high-five high school Annie, marry Abed and... sleep with you." She gazed at Jeff, unable to help the slight detour she took at his lips before meeting his eyes.

"I'm sorry, marry Abed?"

Annie shrugged. "You're not really the marrying type... one night might just be nice." She couldn't help the little thrill that ran through her when she realised she managed to startle him. "Hypothetically of course."

"Yeah," he said, his voice thick.

They sat in silence, not turning away from one another. Jeff unconsciously started to brush his thumb up and down Annie's hand that was on the doll. Emboldened, Annie felt herself slowly inching forward when there was suddenly a rap on the door. They shrank back into their corners of the couch, the moment broken.

"Must be the delivery guy," Jeff said a little too brightly.

Annie briskly nodded. "Great. Y'know, because I'm starving and stuff."

"Mmm-hmm. Um, so if you hold the doll, I'll keep my hand on her and have one hand free to get the food." They stood up walked over to the front of the apartment, bumping arms along the way. Jeff opened the door and greeted the delivery guy, who gave the baby a once-over. "Don't ask," said Jeff.

The delivery guy shook his head. "Wouldn't dream of it, dude." He took the money from Jeff and handed over the cardboard box. "Last house I was at the guy had one of those pillows that looked like a chick. This job's better than people watching at Walmart."

"OK, see ya!" Jeff kicked the door closed, hearing Annie stifle a giggle. "Yeah, you just laugh it up there, Chuckles. You know I can never order pizza again, right?"

"At least you didn't have a pretend baby _and_ a girl pillow."

"Just shut up and eat your fruit pizza."

* * *

By the time midnight rolled around Jeff and Annie had sat through half a Police Academy movie, two reality shows and a documentary about llamas while they chatted on and off about school and tag-team texted Britta to keep her from attacking Pierce with his own leg casts. They'd also warded off two crying fits from Lucy when they had to move their arms to keep them from falling asleep.

Jeff could see that along with Annie's arm, all of her was pretty much starting to doze off so he gently nudged her shoulder to wake her up. "Come on, we better go to bed."

Annie crinkled her forehead. "Aren't we just sleeping on here?"

"Why would I sleep on here when I have a perfectly good King size bed with sheets made out of Egyptian cotton waiting for me?"

"But how are we going to keep Lucy quiet when we're in different rooms?"

"That's why I said 'we' better go to bed." Annie's eyes widened and Jeff sighed. "I'm sure we can share a bed without things getting weird. What was your little catchphrase before? 'We're both adults here'."

Wanting to stick by her earlier statement, Annie squared her shoulders back and nodded. "You're right, we'll be fine. I just might need something to use for pjs... I didn't think this would be an overnight stay."

Jeff stood and held out his hand to help Annie up. "My pink frilly nightgown's in the wash but I'm sure I've got some sweats and a t-shirt somewhere."

* * *

Jeff was already laying in bed, cringing at the squeals Lucy was making ("Seals going through a blender," he thought), when Annie finally emerged from the bathroom. She'd rolled his grey track pants up so she wouldn't trip, but there wasn't much she could do with his 'All 5 Dances' XL Greendale t-shirt, which swamped her small frame.

Annie tried not to gawk at his bare chest as she slipped under the covers and found Jeff's hand so the baby would stop crying. "Interesting shirt," she said, trying to sound nonchalant despite the fact she was climbing into bed with a half-naked guy.

"I suffered through those five dances, I deserve something," he joked. "Looks better on you."

She smiled and nestled her head into the pillow trying to get comfortable. Jeff switched off the bedside lamp and turned onto his side so they were facing one another with Lucy nestled in the middle. The moonlight shone through Jeff's flimsy blinds so they could still make out each other's faces.

"So what's the furniture catalogue for?" said Annie. "Buying a throne to go with your King Size bed?"

"I thought you were sleepy?"

"Not now that I've moved."

"I'm not buying anything."

"But you circled a whole heap of stuff."

"Wishful thinking," he said, shifting his free arm so it was tucked under his head. "Living the college life doesn't exactly allow me to Scrooge McDuck my way through a money vault."

Annie moved her feet around, enjoying the smooth feel of the sheets on her skin. "Do you miss your old life?"

"Yeah," he admitted.

"Oh."

"Not to say this new life doesn't have its perks. Overpriced chicken fingers, endless diorama making... and I guess there's a pretty good study group that I only sometimes want to strangle." He noticed a smile ghost her lips. "So what were those plans you were talking about before?"

"Hmm?"

"You know, the 'not color coding my notes' plans?"

"Oh, those. It was nothing."

Jeff lifted his eyebrow. "Your voice is doing that high pitched thing when you're trying to cover something up. Come on, do I need to compel you again?"

Annie squirmed. "I was just going to go shopping for a new outfit."

"Don't you already have sweaters in every color of the rainbow?"

"It's not for school."

"Is it for a date?" he teased, realising from her continued squirming that he was right. "Oh my God, it is for a date! Well who's the lucky guy?"

"Jeff can we not?"

"Is it Bieber hair in Anthropology? Or that guy with the limp who always winks at you in the cafeteria?"

"Just cut it out."

He laughed. "Why? Is it too shameful to say? Ooh, is it Garrett? No, wait - Leonard? I didn't really buy that whole 'he's like a grandfather' thing before you know."

"It's Rich, OK!" Annie clamped her mouth shut, immediately regretting her outburst.

The laughter faded from Jeff's voice. "TV's own Richie Rich?"

"Jeff..."

"Bon Jovi's Richie Sambora?"

She tucked some hair behind her ear. "You know which Rich, Jeff," she mumbled.

"I know, but if I say it out loud then my brain might bleed." He sighed and turned onto his back. "You really know how to pick them don't you."

Annie sat up a bit. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well first it was the hippie and now it's the serial killer."

"What the heck are you on about?"

"Have you seen that suppressed rage thing he's got going on? He's one step away from dressing up in old lady clothes and stabbing people in showers."

"Rich is a nice guy, Jeff," said Annie with a huff, turning away so she was on her back as well.

"I'll bet that's what all his victims say before they're chopped into tiny pieces."

"You're a jerk you know that? And guess what, you forgot one person before – it went Vaughn, a douchebag ex-lawyer and then Rich." She shut her eyes. "I'm going to sleep."

"Whatever." Jeff stared down at their hands on the doll, noticing that Annie had pulled hers away as far as she dared. Scowling, he closed his eyes and fell into a restless sleep where he dreamt was gatecrashing a Bon Jovi concert and attacking the performers with lady pillows.

* * *

The sun filtered through the blinds, right into Annie's face. She blearily peeled open her eyelids, wondering in confusion why her pillow was moving. It was only when she lifted her head that she realised she was lying half on top of Jeff and the baby was smushed somewhere underneath them. Feeling embarrassed, and hoping to God she didn't drool on him, Annie tried to slide away from him but the loss of warmth on his body made Jeff wake up.

He stared down at Annie, who looked like a startled rabbit. "Morning."

"Morning," she said quietly, forgetting that she was in the process of moving.

Jeff flinched. "What is that sticking into my back?"

"I think it might be Lucy."

"Lucy, you've got some 'splanin to do." Annie just gave him a quizzical look. "Nevermind." He reached his arm around and found the doll. "She's not crying. I think we killed her."

"Oh no!"

"Relax, I'm kidding. I'm sure she'll torture us again soon." He put the doll next to them and let his arm rest near Annie's side.

"About last night," Annie began, biting her lip.

"Let's just forget it, hey?" said Jeff. "Chalk it up to whatever the baby equivalent of mad cow disease is and agree to disagree."

Annie looked like she wanted to say more but found herself nodding. "OK." She then remembered where she was laying and who she was laying with. "Um, I guess we better get up and dressed then."

"Yeah," he glanced at his alarm clock. "Class is in an hour." But when he turned his attention back to her she was giving him that same look she gave him at the Transfer Dance before they kissed. He slowly let his arm drift over her back, making her shiver when his hand caressed bare skin where her t-shirt had ridden up.

"I change my mind," she said softly.

"About what?"

"Right now I think I choose 'kiss'."

They leant in towards each other, lips meeting gently at first before they lost themselves in the moment and their kisses became more urgent. Annie pressed herself closer into him as he threaded one hand through her hair and used the other to grab her waist to slowly roll her onto her back... right on top of Lucy. They both jolted apart when the doll let out an ear-piercing scream that went on and on like a car alarm.

Jeff leant his forehead against Annie's as they caught their breath. "Can we short-circuit her now?"

"No, don't be cruel," scolded Annie, but she was smirking. "We better get up for real this time."

"Did I mention how much I hate robot babies?"

"Just a few thousand times now."

* * *

Jeff and Annie were the last of their group to arrive in the study room. Annie took the spare seat next to Jeff so they could both keep their hands on the baby and noticed that their friends were in varying states of disarray. Shirley looked tired but happy with her baby wrapped up in a blanket, Troy and Abed had bags under their eyes but were chatting happily to Kickpuncher while they did something on Abed's laptop, Britta looked like hangover Britta, only without all the fun drinking the night before and Pierce was uncharacteristically subdued.

"So," said Jeff, "how was everyone's night of horror?"

"I had fun," said Shirley, smoothing down the doll's blanket. "It was nice to have a baby around the house again, and my boys and I spent the night chatting about when they were little."

"That sounds sweet," Annie smiled.

"It was," Shirley beamed, "they loved hearing about the time my eldest projectile vomited in the mall. And when my youngest went poopy in the bathtub."

"Sweet and not at all gross," Jeff added. "What about you, Perry? I see Pierce is still alive."

"Barely," he grumbled.

"Oh shut it, old man," snapped Britta. "I've had enough of your jibber jabber."

"She hid all my scratching tools to torture me," said Pierce. "I felt like my legs were on fire. And then she made me eat muesli for breakfast."

"You were going to eat honey out of a jar with your fingers!" Britta said in exasperation. "Unhygienic and unhealthy."

"You're not my mom!" He flinched at Britta's glare and held LL closer to him. "Can I at least have tater tots for lunch?"

"Sure, with a side of salad and no way in hell."

"Guys!" Troy interrupted excitedly, "Wanna see our family photo gallery?"

"Your what?" asked Jeff.

"Family photo gallery," Abed repeated. "We went through all the major milestones and posted them on my Facebook account." He turned his laptop around for them to see. "First pooey diaper."

"That's nice," smiled Shirley.

"I put a can of stew in the diaper to make it look authentic," said Troy proudly.

"First trip to the zoo – the diorama zoo we found in a classroom," Abed clicked onto the next picture. "First photo with Santa. That's Pavel dressed up in my 'Miracle on 34th Street' Santa outfit holding Kickpuncher."

"Isn't he adorable!" said Troy with a fond sigh. "Only cried once."

"Lucky bastard," Jeff muttered.

"How was your night?" asked Shirley, turning towards Annie and Jeff.

The two of them glanced at one another, masking coy smiles.

"Not too bad," said Annie. "We just watched TV and ate pizza."

Jeff nodded. "Yep."

"Well that's boring," said Britta, moving closer to Troy and Abed. "Show me more of the photos. I think I saw Kickpuncher wearing one of the outfits I put my cat in. It's the best."

The group turned their attention back to the boys leaving Annie and Jeff to themselves.

"So," said Jeff, "how long do I have to wear earplugs tonight for while you're on your date and I'm at home with Lucifer?"

Annie played with her hair. "Oh, I was thinking of cancelling tonight."

Jeff couldn't help his lip quirking up. "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. I mean it wouldn't be fair if I went on a date when you couldn't."

"True."

"And Lucy needs both of us."

"Also true."

"And we didn't really finish our game properly this morning either," she added with a shy smile. "Happy fake parents equals a happy fake baby."

He grinned at her. "I take it all back. Robot babies are awesome."


End file.
